Article: Life Lessons on the Job

Last Updated: March 18, 2003

Richard Farson is both a psychologist and a CEO who has spent 30-plus years heading organizations. His experience has given him an extraordinary appreciation of the absurdities of organizations, and how nothing works quite the way we have been taught. In a 1996 book called Management of the Absurd: Paradoxes in Leadership, Farson outlined some important lessons he'd learned, and his wisdom applies as much to everyday life as to the office. Here are some of his choicest observations.
• In management as in parenthood, it's not so much what we do as what we are that counts.
What parents do deliberately appears to make little difference in the most important outcomes - whether their children grow up to be happy or unhappy, successful or unsuccessful, good or evil. There is no question that parents can and should do worthwhile things for their children, but it's what they are that really matters; for example, whether they are sensitive and caring or cold and indifferent. Most children adopt the characteristics that define their parents, whether their parents want them to or not. The same dynamic occurs in management and leadership. People learn - and respond to - what we are. When you think about it, perhaps that is the way it should be. What a dreadful world it would be if we actually did possess the skill to convey something other than what we really are.
• Remember what we might call the "reciprocity rule" of human behavior: over time, people come to share, reciprocally, similar attitudes toward each other.
That is, if I have a low opinion of you, then while you may for a time hold a high opinion of me, it is unlikely your high opinion will persist. Eventually you will come to feel about me the way I feel about you. If we genuinely respect our colleagues and employees, those feelings will be communicated without the need for artifice or technique. And they will be reciprocated.
• There is no right way to be a manager.
Completely different types of leaders enjoy equal success, and part of the reason is that employees have the power to make their leaders look good. Organizations survive because most people are trying to do their best and will try to keep things going under any circumstances.
• It is more important for managers to like their employees than for their employees to like them.
• There are no leaders, there is only leadership.
The real strength of a leader is the ability to elicit the strength of the group. Leadership is less the property of a person than the property of a group. True leaders are defined by the groups they are serving. People who are leaders in one situation are usually followers in another. In a well-functioning group, the behavior of the leader is not all that different from the behavior of other responsible group members.
• If any one thing can be said to be true about good leaders, it is that they trust their instinct.
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Week Six- Coming to the Home Stretch (Down but Not Out)!!!!

Phew!!!!! My goodness- I can't even lie- I am overwhelmed. It seems like the time just crept up on us and we have so much to do before the final day of class. I am pretty nervous about choosing an ILP topic. Now it really feels like a Master's Program- which is a little intimidating. All I know is I want to choose something that I am passionate about and can be meaningful to others (especially in my community). I do appreciate the group discussions and class interactions. It makes me feel like we are a supportive family. We all are going through the same thing and trying to help one another achieve our goal. Always communicating with each other helps each of us know that we are not alone. I feel no animosity amongst our group and genuinely feel that everyone wants to see their classmates achieve their goals and help each other attain it. Overall, I am happy that I took this class and began my journey in a masters program at Cambridge College. I'm starting to get my feet wet- Let the games begin!!!

Week Five- Course Reflections & Moving Forward

Being that this is a summer course, our workload is doubly compacted into one class. Our fifth class finally gave us a time to reflect on what we had learned, where we are at now and preparing to move forward to complete the course. I think this was much needed since there was so many different elements to the class (speakers, computer work, readings, EI Evals) that we needed a time to examine and tie everything together. With all these different things going on it is easy to lose focus on the main purpose of the class. For me, I felt like we were utilizing alot of different material but not really going in depth with it. But as one of the classmates pointed out, it was good to have many different learning tools since everyone may have different learning styles, especially for adults who may have not been in school for a while or foreigners who are trying to adapt to the English language.

Week Four- Creepy Crawling!!!!

I think it was great we go to hear the speaker from Google, Dan Crawl. It was a great unique way to learn-taking a field trip!!! It gave us the opportunity to be exposed to an expert in the technology field, something we are not normally exposed to. Even though I consider myself technology challenged, it was good to have access to someone who has so much knowledge in the field. Attending this event most likely gave us a pertinent advantage on knowing how to get more exposure to our websites. Since most of the time I was a bit loss or clueless to what the speaker was talking about and the questions that were being asked by the audience, I thought it would be best to start a mini technology dictionary for words I did not know (ex. Portal, Metacafe, Flash, Java). I figured that even though I may not know everything now, it will all come together gradually. Overall I think the class benefited from the trip by being exposed to so much computer knowledge.

My EI in the Workplace

I found that starting a new position made it very difficult to use my emotions to my advantage. Because I was not fully trained I felt unprepared and nervous which affected my work performance and my interaction with my coworker. Normally in a less stressed environment I am able to demonstrate better emotional intelligence by working well with others and having more control over my situation. Any suggestions on how to incorporate better emotional intelligence in an uncomfortable work setting?

Week Three- Intro to Emotional Intelligence

This class was quite interesting and compacted with alot of information as well. We had a quick briefing on using our laptops and helpful web tools we can use while at Cambridge College. We also began our introduction on what is Emotional Intelligence.
It is very interesting to find that EI has a structured science/ function to it-that it is not emotional jargon. I feel like learning about EI is bringing the world of psychology into the world of business management (which I guess is logical). But the fact that the amount of control you have on your emotions or knowing how to use your emotions can determine your career advancement more than other factors (knowledge, skills) was surprising to me. But this was something I was happy to hear since I am a good detector of emotional/ human behavior.
The study of EI reminds me of a similar study in psychology known as Industrial/Organizational Psychology which focuses on improving the interaction between coworkers in the workplace on all levels. I am impressed to find out that the study of Emotional Intelligence is more complex and valid than the average person might think.
It's also enlightening to find the concepts that you could use to be successful in the workplace could prove to be just as useful in everyday life situations as well such as always following your first instincts (your gut), being kind and courteous to people around you, and developing attributes of a strong leader.

Week Two- Desrosier Reaction

I think this class was PHENOMENAL!!! It exceeded my expectation more than I ever thought it would. This speaker did not only motivate and talk about time management, he spoke about life, being a world changer, about you getting more from your time as opposed to time running out or time being sucked away from you. He said so many insightful things that I am fearful that I will forget some of it and I want to retain ALL OF IT! It's like that Boys to Men song says-It's like food for my soul. It was also so very inspiring to see a white man honor a black woman (Oprah Winfrey). All I have to say is that even if other people in the class did not understand or get him- I got him!!!
I feel like he and I had a connection and not in a sexual way but in a purposeful I know I am a leader that going to make a difference kind of way! I am in awe of him- Excellent excellent teacher- He is definitely a world changer and I value the helpful tidbits and nuggets that he provided. If I ever before felt skeptical about if I was in the right school, program, place- I do not anymore. Jim Desrosiers has made me realize that it is not where you attend school but how you utilized what you have learned. He has helped me finish the sentences that I did not know how to finish, those that were incomplete. He has helped me to put the appropriate punctuation at the end. For that I am very grateful. I want to keep this spark alive and not lose anything that I have learned and gained tonight because it is by far a cherishable present. I know that God has brought this speaker as another piece of a puzzle in my life. Thanks God- good looking out!!!!